A Fleshy Encounter

Many avatars remain just that; virtual people who communicate with other virtuals. Some reveal clues about their atomic identity, while others remain entirely hidden behind an identity firewall.

Sometimes that firewall can be breached, if one takes a chance. I first did so at last year’s SLCC in Tampa, where I actually met many atomics. Strangely, it turns out many of them do not actually resemble their avatar’s appearance.

Taking that big step across the virtual to atomic void can be filled with emotion. Fear, anxiety, happiness and curiosity are only some of the feelings that occur. But it’s always exhilarating.

I recently had the opportunity to do it again. This time I happened to be in London, UK, where I took a chance and asked my long time friend, blogger and artist Vint Falken if she wished to get together. She agreed!

Then there was the usual awkward first moment, when you think you recognize the other atomic and approach them. After all the online time, the blog posts, tweeting and plurking, the comments back and forth and projects we’ve done, we were finally together.

She doesn’t look like her avatar, either.

After a wonderful dinner we landed in Trafalgar Square watching zany amateur performance art. Soon we ended up talking with a photographer, who seemed interested in us. And that’s when things got weird.

Photographer: “So what do you guys do?”

Vint and I looked at each other and chuckled. How could we possibly explain our strange and unknowable virtual life to someone who's never heard of virtual reality? We tried our best, and I think we managed to convey some sense of the magic we all experience in a world that can be anything.

Photographer: “And what are your names?”

More chuckling. I was in “avatar mode”, and had to explain that we don’t have real names, or something like that. And also that in fact this was the first time we had met in real life.

Photographer: “This is the first time you’ve met?”

Us: “Yes!”

Photographer: “I hope it works out for you both!”

Sigh.

Virtual worlds still have a very long way to go, it seems.

This Means…. Not War!

In the course of business, you sometimes encounter someone who’s a bit upset. Maybe more than a bit, on rare occasions. They may be a customer, prospect or even a supplier. The question is, “how do you deal with them?” or “how do you avoid making the situation even worse?”

Everyone encounters these situations sooner or later, and everyone has a different approach. My solution is to follow certain principles that have served me well over the years in RL, and it turns out they work well in Second Life too.

In any conflict situation, my initial assumption is that at least 90% of all problems are caused by poor communication. Somebody knows something the other person does not. To solve the problem, often you merely need to make each side understand the same information, and that’s the basis of my approach. Here are my principles, in no particular order:

• Action. You have a situation, deal with it! Do not let situations lie, because they tend to grow. The first step to solving the situation is deciding to take action.
• Listen. It is so important to listen to the other party. Force yourself to be quiet and let them say everything they want to say. Some of it may be wrong, accusatory or perhaps evil, but let them say it. They will feel better if they do. But don’t immediately jump on every point they make, as that simply escalates the problem. Remember, you’re here to solve a problem, not to create a war.
• Ask. If something doesn’t sound right, ask them. Ask them to clarify what they are saying. Sometimes when you do this, information (or lack thereof) comes to light and resolution may suddenly occur. Consider asking a question that directly or indirectly leads to information you suspect the other party may not be aware of.
• Be Honest. Never tell fibs, especially when in a confrontational situation. If the truth comes out (and it always does, sooner or later) you will be in a very bad position. While it may take only a moment to destroy your credibility, it takes one hundred times longer to build a good reputation. You can’t easily resolve a situation if you are not considered credible.
• Empathize. When you listen to the other party’s story, empathize with them. Ask yourself how you would feel if you were in their shoes, if you knew the information they knew. More often than not, you will quickly understand how they came to be in conflict with you and thus you can then formulate a solution.
• Apologize. Yes, sometimes you can be wrong. And you must admit it. It can be humbling, but your future reputation depends on you being honest. So if you are truly in the wrong, just come out and say so. Your credibility and honesty will be raised as a result. In most cases like this, the other party simply wants an apology.
• Solve. At some point in the discussion you will reach a stage where you should propose a solution. You’ll have to think on your feet, and quickly to determine some course of action that will satisfy the other party.
• Offer. Don’t hesitate to offer something to the other party, if it is appropriate. You are running a business that presumably has resources and capabilities. Be creative and conjure up something imaginative that you are willing to do or part with in order to save the relationship.

I am certain some readers may suggest these are wimpy or passive techniques, and that more aggressive confrontational approaches should be used. I’m just not comfortable with them, as they very frequently do not work and usually make the situation far worse. They may be personally satisfying for the moment, but they usually compromise your future reputation.

While I write these principles with respect to handling business disputes, they are really quite usable for many other types of confrontational scenarios. I try to avoid the drama that so often unfolds in SL, but I’m pretty sure some of these approaches may help resolve some of that drama.

These approaches may not work for everyone in every situation, but they usually work for me. Really, they do - Ask my customers!